Life After Forty

2012 – last year for my forties…

I will turn 50 this year and like generations before me, I am startled by this thought.  Having elementary school age children at home and a partner decades younger distracts me from thinking about this half century milestone. Recently I read an article by woman who is 60 and she referred to herself as being in her “old age” and was happy that she and her husband had passed the point of needing physical intimacy very often. Really? At 60? But I am just learning to surf bigger waves.  I am still paddling canoes and pushing myself through Bikram yoga classes. I am a third of the way through a Master’s program and have finally decided on a career which will open up so many exciting possibilities for me.

That writer is wrong. Really. She is. My new supervisor is 73 and works full time because her work is engaging and rewarding. She uses text messaging and knows her way around a computer almost as well as I do. Last month I placed 3rd for women in a race where a 75 year old man finished about middle of the pack. Age does not have to be a disadvantage. By now we’ve learned to pace ourselves, to work efficiently, to know our strengths. I am not nearly the oldest woman out there on the water. One canoe of septuagenarians flew by our twenty-somethings in a race because being smooth and steady was more efficient than frantically muscling the boat along.

I started this blog because I was suddenly single and life was opening up in new and amusing ways. I was practicing the “Laws of Attraction” and dabbling in spiritual pursuits. Since then I have experienced an assortment of health and relationship challenges, so for a while life hasn’t been as amusing. Looking back on this journey I realize I have come full circle once again. Instead of following spiritual gurus, I have found that understanding the psychology behind thoughts and behaviors to be more meaningful.  I am using the “Laws of Attraction” again but with a clear understanding of cognition. Knowing that thoughts create feelings and feelings lead to behavior and so on has given me the opportunity for a more rewarding life. I am a fledgling practitioner of mindfulness and I am learning to accept.  Just that. Accept. I am trying to simply accept so much of what life presents instead of struggling against it.

I have finally let go of my need for a creator. I am content with the universe in it’s imperfect perfection. Clearly we do not have all the answers, but we have some.  I am confident enough now to speak my mind. I hope I am open enough to change my opinion if necessary. I never want to be so rigid that I cannot see what is logical and right.

So what will I do with the 8 months I have left before my half century birthday?

• Homeschool – I am teaching my children history chronologically. We look at all conflict with an eye for “who wants what resource, land, or power from whom?” We also discuss how religions evolved, changed, met the needs of whomever was in power. We focus a lot on Math and Science (did you know electrons literally wink in and out of existence?)
•  Graduate School – full time classes and internships will take up most of my time. I am making a bit a reputation amongst my classmates as the “Atheist woman who is against the educational system and who dislikes antidepressants” – part of not being afraid to state my opinion has it’s drawbacks!
• Paddling – I may not race but I am helping my partner coach the kids racing team and this year my son is on the team. This has been good for all of us. Downwind stand up paddling is my real passion these days so I will continue with that and plan on racing in this arena this year.
• Relationship – after four years of off and on (mostly on) dating we seem to have settled into a comfortable place. I am still not sure how this will play out but I am finally comfortable enough to be completely me. And surprisingly that has only made things better. Took me a long time to learn this lesson.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Have a great day. Aloha.